Month: July 2015

Contraband (June 8, 2009)

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I am in uncharted terrority here. I am not used to hiding things, as you may have noticed. My life is pretty much an open book for anyone interested in reading. From age 16 on, I got out of the habit of covering anything from my own parents. Let them judge if they wanted. I had to find my own way, make my own mistakes, and I wasn’t ashamed if my personal growth entailed the occasional fall on my face. That has pretty much been my life philosophy ever since.

As I sit here in the middle of my living room floor surrounded by mine and Eddie’s “marital aids,” wine bottles, the feather penis boa from my bachelorette party in 2007, and anything that could conceivably be construed as drug paraphenalia, I find myself wondering when this happened. When did I become the girl who wanted to make such a good impression on her in-laws, that I am boxing up little pieces of me, even if they are the darker pieces, in order to shove them into storage, however temporarily? Of course as I review my collection assembled on the floor, I am thinking I might be closer to depraved Amy Winehouse territory than I previously allowed myself to believe. I realize there is a fine line between respectfully keeping certain things out of the in-laws line of vision, and self-censorship, and I feel for now I am on the right side of that line. But I have to guard against my own tendency to put forward my most “acceptable” social self in a given situation. Often, I edit myself into an oblivion, with the result that I feel trapped and angry. That’s kind of what happened when Eddie and I got married in India in December of ’07. This will be an especially difficult course to navigate when I am essentially, fending for myself mano y mano with Eddie’s folks for the next 30 days. My husband will ride into town every Thursday night to lend me a hand, but for the most part, it’s me, Mummy and Papa 24/7.

I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I have to go and eat all the Lean Cuisines that contain beef out of my freezer (in-laws do not condone the consumption of red meat either). Anyone else ever been in this situation? Advice?

Thanks for the Memories (June 5, 2009)

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As I drove to Oakbrook last night, attempting to meet Jen for a 8:00 showing of “Pump Boys and Dinettes” at the Drury Lane Theater, I decided to do a little channel surfing. My usual radio stations were all at commercial or playing something of a crap nature, so I looked around once to make certain I was alone (yep) before turning the dial to my favorite go-to guilty pleasure. That is Chicago “mature adult” staple, WNUA 95.5, Smooth Jazz (not that you hadn’t gathered this from the photo above). During my childhood, my parents occasional patronage of this station was cause for jeers and mockery. “Only OLD people listen to that,” I taunted them.

Well sure enough, I got older too, and while I still turned away from their various elevator music selections, WNUA was never above busting out a Roberta Flack, Whitney Houston or Peabo Bryson lite rock favorite. And don’t try to get between me and Peabo Bryson. When your choice is listening to Jamie Foxx’s criminally retarded “Blame it On the Alcohol” for the 10th time that day, or the refreshing strains of Whitney’s, “All the Man That I Need,” I think you can figure out the decision is an easy one.

So I as killed time on the expressways last evening, I went to 95.5, the home of WNUA for the last 22 years (though I swear it seems longer) to find…spanish music. Now my memory isn’t what it used to be, so for a few minutes I thought I had the wrong frequency. I started to mentally sing their jingle over and over (don’t say it), and kept coming up with the same answer. 95.5 is where WNUA should be.
Vowing to get to the bottom of this skullduggery, I Googled the station this morning. To my horror, this is what I read:

May 22, 2009

Dear WNUA Listeners,

I would like to take a moment to thank you for your loyal support of Smooth Jazz 95.5 WNUA during our 22 years of being a part of the Chicago community. We hope that you have enjoyed listening as much as we have enjoyed serving you. However, recent changes in how stations are evaluated by advertisers has resulted in a significant decline in financial support for WNUA. As a result, we are now faced with a decision that we hoped we would never need to make. Today at 9:55am we will be changing the format on our main frequency of 95.5 FM…

The WNUA On-Air Personalities have put together a photo montage of just some of our memories from the last two decades including Listener Appreciation Parties, Jazz Concerts, Trip-a-Day Destinations and so muchmore. Thank YOU for making all of these memories possible.

On behalf of Ramsey Lewis, Karen Williams, Glenn Cosby, Dave Koz, Scott Adams, and everyone at Smooth Jazz 95.5 WNUA, we sincerely thank you for listening.

Regards,
Earl Jones

President/Market Manager
Clear Channel Radio Chicago

Not Ramsey Lewis! The soothing, dulcet tones of his voice lulled me during many a post lunch half-sleep. Why God why?! Oh sure, there is still the 93.9 the Lite for Mariah Carey classics, but I am fed up with change. Sometimes there’s just too much progress for Boop, and 2009 seems to be moving faster than I can hold onto it. Is nothing sacred or reliable anymore? Healthy young friends die, financial security suddenly becomes unstable, your career moves in directions you never imagined, and now for God’s sake, even Smooth Jazz in Chicago is not safe. I enjoyed you mostly in the closet WNUA, but I owed it to you to declare my love out loud today. I’ll miss you!

My Name is Boop, and I am a Reality TV Junkie (June 3, 2009)

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It is time to admit my problem. I am an addict. Though only recently I wrote this post excoriating the likes of AI and DWTS, recovery my friends is not a linear process. Just as I threw off the shackles of reality behemoth American Idol, I have succumbed to the latest reality drug. That of course would be fourth place network NBC’s reboot of I’m A Celebrity: Get Me Out of Here.

For those of you weary of the spring rain and cool temperatures as I have been, it is easy to fall down the summer crap TV rabbit hole. In years past, I am only mildly ashamed to admit having indulged in old favorites like the CW’s Beauty and the Geek, or the double threat of Fox’s Temptation Island and Paradise Hotel. Apparently there’s something about summer which enhances my appetite for watching “normal” Americans make fools of themselves. This festival of fun is only enhanced when those humiliating themselves are the semi-famous.

So it is with I’m A Celebrity. Intially I was very skeptical of NBC plans to air the program four days a week. I thought to myself, “Is four hours of Speidi really necessary?” Turns out it is, because I am hooked! To use a well worn euphemism, this program is more enticing to the eye than a 10-car pile up on I-94. Though I must warn you of the program’s one downside: If at all possible, record the episodes to your DVR before enjoying. That way you can skip through the painful intro segments and banter of hosts Damien Fahey (formerly of MTV) and Myleene Klaas. They are about as natural as rubbing vinegar in your eye.

If you can forgive NBC for their poor choice of emcees, the rest of the program promises to be a feast for the eyes and ears. See Spencer and Heidi threaten to walk off no fewer than three times! One of these attempts involved an actual ploy to make a run for it, Spencer trying to bumrush a line of angry producers like a playground game of Red Rover. During another of these attempts, he got on the horn with Ben Silverman, Co-Chairman of NBC Universal and accused him of using his “superstar status” to upgrade the cast of C-list losers. This tirade was filled with expletives. I marveled at the chutzpah. I would say that Speidi will not be invited back to appear on anything for the network, especially now that they have finally left. But how could NBC resist? I have never watched The Hills, and thus never understood the appeal of the Pratts (or the “Bratts” as they are known by the rest of the cast), but I do now. Spencer is a mastermind of self-promotion. In a cast that includes heavyweights no less than Janice Dickinson and Lou Diamond Phillips, Speidi completely stole the show. I am truly sorry to see them go and worry for the next three weeks. Rumor has it that alternate players will be introduced tonight, but if one of them turns out to be Daniel Baldwin as I have heard, well that’s just no substitute.

The second biggest surprise of the season is the mad jungle skills of Sanjaya Malakar. You may recall him as the mohawk wearing Indian kid on the 6th season of Idol. He finished his run in 7th place, far more than his talent warranted, and I prayed American had seen the last of him. And yet, I have been floored by his pleasing attitude, survival skills and frankly, his bad ass nature. For evidence, witness Sanjaya’s triumph over the likes of a former NBA great John Salley in the Trauma Tank of Episode 1. Little Sanjaya also swallowed a croc’s tail in one bite. Enough said. When Sanjaya decides to finally come out of the closet, he will be the skinny Rambo of homos. It will be great for his love life.

I almost forgot to mention this, but dare I leave out that Patti Blagojevich, disgraced wife of former IL Gov. Rowdy Roddy, is included in the cast?! You can’t make this stuff up people! Ok, so she is boring, and to my great annoyance, she had the nerve to come off as sympathetic when telling her story to Heidi and Spencer in episode 1. Then those two good Christian servants led Patti in a prayer for the “truth” to be revealed during Blago’s pending trial. Gag me with drama!

I am starting to pant again with excitement as I write this. Don’t take my word for it. Tune in yourselves. Then come back and post your comments. Let’s discuss.

Fast As You Can (June 1, 2009)

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I am going to give you all a rainy Monday treat and not blabber on for days, as I am prone to do. Much as I love to write lengthy posts, today I do not have the time. I knew this week was coming and I had every good intention of performing some legwork over the weekend, but there was a 40th birthday party to attend and plenty of beer to drink at Maifest in Lincoln Square. Priorities, you see.

I have two articles to write for the California life coach this week. He has started a new divorce based website, and has entrusted me with producing the debut copy. On top of that, I am back in the saddle with StreetWise.Suzanne Hanney, the Editor-in-Chief contacted me late last Friday with final approval for a Father’s Day story I pitched her a couple months back. The subject will be professional Chicago women who, for one reason or another, do not have fathers in their lives; a bit of a downer I suppose, but a counterpoint for those who feel left out of the usual Father’s Day hugs and kisses.

Lastly, I start my new gig with the Edge Chicago, sort of a gay Metromix that contains information and reviews about bars, nightlife, restaurants, etc. in cities across the U.S. I have been hired as a theater critic, which means Boop has to get herself quickly up to speed on how to actually write a theater review. Gulp! I am seeing and reviewing three shows this week alone: one tonight at the Goodman Theater, one on Thursday at the Drury Lane, and another Saturday night at the Bailiwick. Whew! This is my life, what I signed up for, and I am ready. I am writing my tail off, and it feels damned good.

Jesika’s Last Gift (May 29, 2009)

Becky SarwateLeave a comment

I am getting really good at finding disturbing pictures to put up on this thing, aren’t I? I know it’s been awhile since Jen and I engaged in a “My End or Yours?” debate, and frankly we all miss Jen’s individual posts. Jon and Kate have been up to nothing but trouble since this rant, and I for one would like an update. But Jen’s plate is full so all you get is me! Nah!

A few days after Jesika passed away, I had one of many emotional phone calls with Kevin, and we were talking about the Herculean task he had to endure of sorting through some of his and Jesika’s old things. In the process, he discovered the remainder of a gift certificate he had given Jesika late last year. It was redeemable at this rather posh spa in the West Loop, on Jackson Street. During our conversation, Kevin said he wanted me to have the certificate, and to make sure I used it.

Initially, I felt morbid, maybe even amoral taking it, as if I were somehow profiting from the death of someone I missed so much. But Kevin wisely told me not to be silly. He assured me it would be a shame to waste, and that he certainly wasn’t going to use it. Now I think Jen and I have told y’all before that we love spa treatments. So after the idea settled, I started to like it. Jesika’s final gift to me.

And it was her final gift in so many ways. One more chance to have a heavenly giggle at Boop for example. I signed up for an aromatherapy oil shoulder, neck and back massage – thirty minutes. Sounds lovely doesn’t it? Um, did someone switch my masseuse with an angry chiropractor? Because the harmless small Asian fellow who guided me to the soft, warm massage table bore no resemblance to the relentless torturer who attempted to crack my chakras right along with my ribs for the next 30 minutes. Now granted, I was very sore from my latest kettle bell circuit with trainer Rob the day before. I had also just come from my Friday Pilates class. I am pretty tightly wound to begin with, but all the more so in the last month. The tremendous uncertainty in my world apparently has my muscles locked up tighter than Fort Knox. And Daniel the masseuse had the wince-inducing key.

There were quite seriously a few moments when I considered asking him to cease the massage altogether. It hurt that badly. Trust me, if I were keeping any military secrets, Daniel the masochistic masseuse would have wrenched them sucessfully. I have had a few trips to the table before, and they felt nothing like this. But then a funny thing began to happen. When he would finish pulverizing and, literally, readjusting a particular muscle group, I felt better than I had in a long while – much better in fact. I started to ease into it, gritting my teeth (or grinding my braces) and willing the pain.

At the end, my sensai told me I was a “tough cookie,” and that it took him only 30 minutes to break my strained-to-snapping-point neck, shoulder and back muscles. He said folks in similiar conditions usually need 45 minutes or longer to let go. He asked me if anything particularly stressful was happening in my life. Well sir, you may be a ligament magician, but I already have a therapist. He served me a nice plate of fresh fruit and a glass of water, even chatted with me while I imbibed. Then I paid the bill and left.

Does this story, from beginning to end, strike anybody but me as odd? As I said, I have had massages before, but besides the initial squirms of pain, I can’t say there was anything offensive about it, per say. It was just…weird. And therein lies my old friend Jesika. She would have throughly enjoyed every bit of having contributed to such an odd, yet satisfying encounter. Thank you Jesika for sending me a painful, bizarre, but quite humorous life episode, and for giving me something else to write about today. I still wish you were here. I always will.