Author: Becky Sarwate

Manic Monday (June 15, 2009)

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Fun fact of the day: I included a photo of the Purple One with this post, despite the fact that “Manic Monday” is a spectacular 80s tune made popular by female rock group the Bangles. The reason I put Prince Rogers Nelson up here, beside the fact that I adore him, is that he is the author of the former #1 hit. He wrote the tune and gave it to Bangles lead singer Susannah Hoffs because he had a crush on her. Lucky girl. I don’t care if Princey is 5′ 2″ or not, he is dead sexy.

Anywhoo, today has been a hell of a day. The in-laws are here and the visit is in full swing. There have been the expected ups and downs, in and outs, a few tears. However, my hellish morning had little to do with Mummy and Papa and everything to do with karma, or whatever, raining shit down upon me. As stressed as I am, it was hardly appreciated.

Last week, the day I picked up the parents from O’Hare, as luck would have it, the rear brakes on our car started to go bad. We rented a car to drive Mummy and Papa to Indiana yesterday to see relatives. So I began my day taking my own car to Midas, getting a ride back home from a 22 year-old with pimples, before turning right around and dumping the rental car back at Enterprise. Don’t believe those haters when they say they’ll “pick you up.” They should clarify by saying, “We’ll pick you up or drop you off ONLY if you’re within a two mile radius.” I live in fact 2.5 miles away from the shop, and found myself trying to find a cab in Wrigleyville during Monday morning rush hour traffic. Not an easy task.

I returned home already bushed to be told by my father-in-law that the Internet had gone completely down. Say what? I am a freelance writer who works from home. I had my fourth theater review for the Edge due, oh, yesterday! Needless to say, my reaction to this was far from serene. I called the always useless customer service people at Comcast, only to be informed with something close to pride that I could indeed receive a housecall – on Wednesday morning. Seriously, they thought this was very helpful indeed. I resisted the urge to curse these suckers out (mostly because Mummy and Papa were in the room) and proceeded to weigh my options. I quickly wrote my review, transferred it to Eddie’s flash drive and hightailed it over to my best pal’s Gary’s house.

I booted up Gary’s laptop, finally ready to rock, only to discover that his laptop was a Mac, therefore incompatible with the PC flash drive. Zoinks! What now? Fortunately, Gary’s brother Ed saved the day. He mercifully possesses a PC laptop. While posting my already overdue review, I fielded a call that my car was ready for pickup. I dashed back over to Midas, plunked down 500 bones and came back home. It was now 2:30 PM and I hadn’t had so much as a sip of water.

My father-in-law decided to lend a hand and try to sort out the Internet situation. He, like my husband, has a Master’s degree in Information Systems. He got on the phone with Comcast and somewhow managed to find someone who knew what the hell they were talking about. It took him about an hour, and a wealth of patience I will never have, but eureka! He got me back online. For the first time since Mummy and Papa came to Chicago, the tears I cried were joyful ones.

I threw a salad and smoothie down my gullet and then it was off to Bank of America. Eddie’s folks wanted to start a bank account in the U.S. and were insistent it had to be today so they could receive their permanent debit cards before flying back to India. This took two hours. I am now in the midst of five loads of laundry created by all four of us (plus my two cats) and have cleaned the kitchen and office. I am freaking wiped and as yet, I still have a full night ahead of me.

I laugh now to think that when I left the ADA, Eddie told me to enjoy my summer “off.” Hmmmm…….

The Future of the GOP: Proudly Unstudied Scott Walker Revels in Iran Ignorance

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Scott Walker

I am a dyed in the wool Midwestern woman. As a proud Chicago, Illinois native and current resident, I have a guarded affection for my neighbors to the north in Wisconsin – not only because a sizeable portion of my family resides there. According to a study from the Bay Area Center for Voting Research, the Badger State boasts two of the top 40 most liberal cities in the nation, Milwaukee and Madison. It also has a historically balanced mix of Democratic and Republican governors, which demonstrates a spirited, bipartisan embrace of political discourse. And of course there’s lot of cheese.

Wisconsin is famous for many things, including the World’s Only Polka Escalator and the NFL’s Green Bay Packers franchise. However since January 3, 2011 the state that folk singer Dar Williams once referred to as the epicenter of “can-do, earthy-crunchy attitude,” has been most famous for its current Republican governor and 2016 presidential candidate, Scott Walker. It’s been a rough time for Wisconsin progressives – and those dreading a national Walker campaign – ever since. We’ve had four years to get well acquainted with his union-busting, anti-worker tactics, animosity toward a woman’s right to make her own family planning decisions, and affection for discriminatory voting laws.

But this week, Scott Walker, Colorado Springs, Colorado native come failed Marquette University graduate, would have us swallow his reinvention as a foreign policy expert. After all, he spent a whole two hours this past winter being tutored on international affairs by the leading experts of his party. After the meeting, Philip Rucker and Robert Costa of The Washington Post wrote:

In contrast to the compelling and confident way Walker talks about his Wisconsin record, he has been shaky on foreign policy. He has traveled only rarely overseas and showed little interest in world politics in college or as governor. Policy experts and donors who have met with him privately said he lacks depth of knowledge about the international scene and speaks mostly in generalities.

But in a 2016 Republican primary season almost unprecedented for its unmitigated gall (and really, after 2012, could we have conceived of a lower bar?), a complete and total lack of experience, intellectual curiosity or insight didn’t stop Scott Walker from weighing in on the historic, multilateral diplomatic agreement limiting Iran’s nuclear program this week. I believe Salon.com writer Simon Maloy captured the results rather nicely in the piece, Scott Walker Makes a Clown of Himself: Foreign Policy-challenged Candidate Disastrously Flubs Iran. In response to Walker’s reckless campaign claim that he would as president, “pull back, I would terminate that bad deal with Iran completely on day one,” Maloy wrote:

Walker seems to think that the U.S. will have the standing and credibility to assemble a multilateral sanctions regime against Iran immediately after he unilaterally detonates the diplomatic framework that our allies have painstakingly worked on for so long.

And that’s just the first problem with the Wisconsin governor’s comments. As the website Real Clear Politics reported, Walker also labeled the compromise “one of the biggest disasters of the Obama-Clinton doctrine.” This is shameless politicking over a momentous, if nerve-wracking agreement that gives the United States a real shot at preventing nuclear war in the Middle East. What did we have before this week? Absolutely nothing. Walker should know this, as he knows it was Secretary of State John Kerry who brokered the tense negotiations, not 2016 presidential front-runner Hillary Clinton. The latter may be in fact the only foreign policy detail of which the Republican candidate is aware.

If one of the demonstrations of fitness for the nation’s highest office is the ability to understand the issues and comment judiciously, Walker failed at both ends of the test this week. It’s not really a surprise, nor is Walker alone in ignorance. As our writers have reported continuously, all 15 Republican presidential candidates raced to the nearest microphone to voice criticism of the Iran plan without offering a credible alternative. But still, you’d think a man long touted as the “future” of the party would have something more to offer than stale, pandering stupidity.

Concierge (June 12, 2009)

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You know what they say about the best laid plans. I had developed a logical and balanced itinerary. I had talked out everything in advance with both Eddie and his folks: the need to balance work with spending time with them, and keeping up with my own personal needs. And yet, here I sit a mere 19 hours after the arrival of Mummy and Papa, way behind already on work, skipping my Pilates class. I have changed Euros at Chase Bank, helped cook my first Indian dinner, learned to make tea the “right” way (and all this time I never knew I was doing it wrong), and even managed to slip out of the house to see the next show I have to review for The Edge.

Argh! Sorry I am back. My MIL was just giving me a lesson on the benefits and demerits of sleeping North/South vs. East/West, and the bad karma it causes when your head points North. Seriously. This is why I was called away from the computer. I love these folks to death, but how will I get anything done? This is exactly what I was afraid of. Eddie keeps saying we will work through this visit as a team, but that’s sort of hard when he’s out of town four days a week and working 12 hours on Fridays. I am going to need the weekend to catch up.

Folks, it’s only Day 1. I need a pep talk.

Adam Lambert is Gay!…And? (June 10, 2009)

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I know some of you will accuse me of having fallen off the back of a turnip truck. Although we are in the Obama era, all “Yes we can!” and stuff, I am aware that this country has a long way to go in terms of mutual acceptance of our brethren. Even so, it is still possible to surprise me.

That happened again this week with “news” that American Idol runner-up (it still irks me that he didn’t win) Adam Lambert has come out of the closet in the latest pages of Rolling Stone. There are a couple things about this which bother me. For one, I kind of figured out Lambert was gay the minute he came onstage during Hollywood week and sang a kick-you-in-the-ass cover of Cher’s “Believe.” My obvious question is: so what? Does that change the fact that the dude is a once in a generation musical talent? Unfortunately, Queen frontman and legend Freddie Mercury was forced to hide his sexual light under a bushel, but that was the 70s. I say that with a keen and painful awareness that we have obviously not come as far as I had hoped.

The Lambert/Mercury comparisons do not stop with sexual preference. Both men remain elecrifying rock performers. Through Freddie’s death, he has been relegated to hindsight, but it does nothing to diminish the powers of his gifts in the present day. I fully believe that Adam Lambert is capable of such greatness, with or without the Idol trophy. I look forward to many years of following his career and attending his shows.

The second part of the problem with this public media “revelation” is that it carries the implicit assumption that Lambert owes it to America to come clean, so to speak, about who he is. Again, why? Rock n’ roll has a long history of male whores such as Mick Jagger, Steven Tyler, Fred Durst, etc. They do not have to repeatedly reaffirm, with heads bent in shame, that they are straight. Boys will devilish boys, doing what is expected…..unless they choose to sleep with men after the show? Adam Lambert has a steady boyfriend, and is musically gifted. What else do we need to know? I would rather see Bret Michaels under the hot lights, grilled about the necessity of yet another season of VH1’s Rock of Love.

It is apparent that Lambert is not using his homsexuality as a marketing gimmick. I have the impression that he has only made this “announcement” because of relentless media speculation that he figured would be better put to rest. I suppose Adam wants to avoid the years of endless “Is he or isn’t he?” speculation that dogged Season 2 also-ran Clay Aiken.

Now that Lambert has given the vultures what they wanted, I hope we can move on. This interesting story from Reuters raises the inevitable specter that Adam Lambert lost the Idol competition to the wholesome Kris Allen, due to “Red State” disapproval of Lambert’s style:

http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSTRE5585FQ20090610

God, I hope not, but anything is possible. It is 2009 America. According to a number of reliable sources, 10% of the world population is gay. That means that roughly 1 out of every 10 people you encounter is homosexual. Shouldn’t we all be comfortable with this by now? If not, why?

Adam Lambert says it best: “I’m proud of my sexuality,” he said. “I embrace it. It’s just another part of me.” He seems to be a savvy gentleman with a healthy ego and a strong support system. He is not using his sexuality as a media tool, like say, Lindsay Lohan. Whether or not you are a fan of Lambert’s music, the decision should have nothing to do with what goes on behind closed doors.

Contraband (June 8, 2009)

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I am in uncharted terrority here. I am not used to hiding things, as you may have noticed. My life is pretty much an open book for anyone interested in reading. From age 16 on, I got out of the habit of covering anything from my own parents. Let them judge if they wanted. I had to find my own way, make my own mistakes, and I wasn’t ashamed if my personal growth entailed the occasional fall on my face. That has pretty much been my life philosophy ever since.

As I sit here in the middle of my living room floor surrounded by mine and Eddie’s “marital aids,” wine bottles, the feather penis boa from my bachelorette party in 2007, and anything that could conceivably be construed as drug paraphenalia, I find myself wondering when this happened. When did I become the girl who wanted to make such a good impression on her in-laws, that I am boxing up little pieces of me, even if they are the darker pieces, in order to shove them into storage, however temporarily? Of course as I review my collection assembled on the floor, I am thinking I might be closer to depraved Amy Winehouse territory than I previously allowed myself to believe. I realize there is a fine line between respectfully keeping certain things out of the in-laws line of vision, and self-censorship, and I feel for now I am on the right side of that line. But I have to guard against my own tendency to put forward my most “acceptable” social self in a given situation. Often, I edit myself into an oblivion, with the result that I feel trapped and angry. That’s kind of what happened when Eddie and I got married in India in December of ’07. This will be an especially difficult course to navigate when I am essentially, fending for myself mano y mano with Eddie’s folks for the next 30 days. My husband will ride into town every Thursday night to lend me a hand, but for the most part, it’s me, Mummy and Papa 24/7.

I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I have to go and eat all the Lean Cuisines that contain beef out of my freezer (in-laws do not condone the consumption of red meat either). Anyone else ever been in this situation? Advice?