Dancing with Bitches (March 2, 2010)


I know many of you will be working to hold back your snorts of derision when I claim the following: the last two outings of Dancing with the Stars sucked (the withheld snorts are obviously from those who think every run is crap). Two seasons ago I had to watch Shaun Johnson walk away with Gilles Marini’s trophy. Last season there were just too many (lame) contestants.

Like my former American Idol habit, I was ready to quit DWTS cold turkey. My DVR is clogged up quite enough, thank you, and I need to prioritize. I am working on finding a job, coordinating a move, training for a race. I have enough to do without watching another trainwreck like Tom Delay bumble his way to two stress fractures.

But just as I was ready to delete my series recording, the cast list for the coming season was released and boy is it a doozy! Not only do we get the infamous and much maligned reality mom, Kate Gosselin (arguably the most name recognized contestant DWTS has ever hired), but there’s also skanktastic 90s icon Pamela Anderson, as well as a special treat for myself and the gay community. Wait for it….Shannen Doherty! Gary, if you are reading this right now, grab a paper bag and breathe slowly.

Last season’s competitors were hardly worthy of the “celebrity” title which hung about their necks, Kelly Osbourne and Mya notwithstanding. But now we’re talking.

I own it. I will be back. And I pray, I pray hard, that when the inevitable catfight ensues (none of the rumors you have heard about Gosselin, Anderson and Doherty being total slags are false), cameras will be there to capture it.